


Just Geralt licking things

by TinyThoughts



Category: The Witcher (TV), Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types
Genre: Crack, Cute, Funny, M/M, Slightly drunk, Steamy, There will be more tags, Weirdness, and this is that story, geralt licks things, he will lick anything really, it is about to be, most of my writing happens after midnight im sorry, multiple shorts, sometimes people, sometimes...not people, witcher crack
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-19
Updated: 2021-02-20
Packaged: 2021-03-02 22:48:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 2,091
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24274579
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TinyThoughts/pseuds/TinyThoughts
Summary: Who is Geralt licking?Why is Geralt licking?How is Geralt licking?Basicly Geralt licking things and non-things and me having fun with it.
Relationships: Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia/Jaskier | Dandelion
Comments: 47
Kudos: 98





	1. Jaskier

**Author's Note:**

> The very first line of this fic is what set my brain on this slippery slope of madness. Some of it will be innocent, some of it will be just a little steamy because I ship Geraskier after all. I can't help myself.
> 
> I am having very much fun and I really want your help with ideas! If you can give me 3 words that awnser the questions in the summary I might just add that  
> Thank you to all of those I already harrassed into giving me suggestions, you are the very best and I love you all!

“ _Ewww!_ Geralt?! Why are you licking me?!” Jaskier screeches when Geralt, _perfectly_ harmlessly he might add, licks the side of Jaskiers hand.  
“You had grease all over it. I saved you.” Geralt states, and Jaskier glares at him.

He release the hold of Jaskiers wrist, and really, Geralt did save him.

The grease were slowly making its way towards his sleeve, and Jaskier really have a talent of bitching about stains on his clothes so there!

He saved them both!  
You are fucking welcome.


	2. Ciri

It is early evening, they are in the house Yennefer is currently occupying.

They have finished at least a bottle of wine each and are now loudly arguing over the table, words slurring together.

Basically, they are arguing who loves Ciri the most, and whose child it really is.

This is when Geralt gets the brilliant idea to show them all that this _lovely,_ adorable, rosycheeked, fuzzball of pure energy, is _his_ lovely child, and did he say lovely already?

So he stalks over to where Ciri and Jaskier are hiding. They aren't really hiding, Jaskier sits in front of the fireplace with his lute in his lap and Ciri is scribbling things in his notebook.

The stalk a little wobbly, but who cares.  
He sits/falls down to his knees next to her, wrapping his arm around her shoulder and turns them towards Yennefer.

“Look!” Geralt says, staring Yennefer down.

Then he grabs Ciris chin to hold her still, because she is moving around an awful lot.

And licks her over her eyebrow and forehead, a big broad stroke to claim her real good.

Ciri squirms and squeals, trying to get away, and from behind them he can hear Jaskier snort.

“You see, Yen?!” Geralt slurs, not letting his little pupp, pupper, _lovely_ little child that is the most his and not Yennefers.  
“Mine!” He states.

Yennefer throws herself around the table. Ciris eyes widen, sensing she is about to be in the middle of a lickingbattle, and her squirming intensifies.

“No!” Geralt sees it too, and he protectively throws his arms around this wonderful, squirmin little child that is most definitely his to protect now.

Jaskier! Save me!” Ciri shrieks and fights Geralts hold, trying desperately to break free.

“Sorry, love!” Jaskier laughs, as Yennefer unleashes herself onto Geralt and Ciri, tongue outstretched. “You are on your own!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor, poor Ciris eyebrows.....


	3. Yennefer

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This idea I squeezed out of my sweetling Geogrewife at tumblr! I love you and thank you for not whacking me for all the evil I've done <3

Geralt drunkdrunk.

That is a state he is not proud of, but have found himself in anyway.   
It is rather enjoyable to be this drunkdrunk but he knows it will not be enjoyable in the morning. So he is enjoying it now.

He had the most entertaining evening with some friendly people he barely remembers now, he thinks at least one of them were a dwarf.   
He hopes it was a dwarf, because it is either that or a child in a fake beard and that would be bad.   
Either way, drunk drunk Geralt is walking back to the inn where he is staying with Yennefer.

They took to travel together this last few weeks, aiming to meet up with Ciri and Jaskier who are off visiting some old professor in Oxenfurt.   
Boring.   
When geralt enters their shared area, Yen sits by the table seething.   
Geralt can tell she is seething because she have her arms crossed, her eyebrows are really pointy and she is the only thing that is still in the room.   
Oh, and for some reason her hair is blue.

“Whu happened to you?” Geralt slurs, raising his hand to point at her head, but changes his mind.   
He have a vauge memory of Yen biting him last time he pointed at her.

“You are blue.”

“Im aware.” The sorceress growls between clenched teeth.

Geralt walks closer. He doesn’t have a deathwish but he must pass her to get to the beds, which seems very appealing right now.   
So closer he ventures.

“You smell like fruit. Fruit.. Stuff.” He says, almost in the passing, which makes her raise a perfectly shaped eyebrow.

“How much did you have to drink today, Geralt?” she asks, but Geralt doesn't have time to answer her.

See, she smells very much like berries, and this close and with her hair blue, it raises questions.

So before she can stop him, he snatches her hand and licks it enthustiasticly.

He must know! Does she taste like berries too?   
Like that blueberry, blackberry or gooseberry?   
Actually, gooseberry is such a weird berry. It doesn’t look like a goose at all.

And her hand doesn’t taste good at all.   
Just a little salt and something bitter he can’t place in his current state.

She snatches her hand back and a wall of magic sends him flying across the room.

He misses the bed, but he also misses the dresser, of which he is grateful.

He lands in a heap, something akin to giggling escaping him where he lies on the floor.

The floor is nice too.

Its soft and warm and probably a great place to sleep.

“You don’t taste like berries at all.” He tells Yennefer as she approaches him, blue hair spreading around her like she was standing in a storm, purple eyes clashing spectacularly with the colours.   
He is probably in trouble, but his eyes are heavy and there is this really soft arm under his head that probably belongs to him anyway, so he puts his head on it and the world fades away.


	4. Roach

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roach: I have NO fear  
> *geralt licks her*  
> Roach: I have ONE fear

They just made camp, Geralt is removing the saddlebags and bedrolls from Roach’s back. It had been a long day, but a pleasant one. Summer is breaking loose around them, and the spot they chose for the night has nice tall grass for Roach to feast on.  
He pulls the saddle of her back, stirrup hitting his thigh as it falls from her back, and puts it down by a nearby tree. He switches her bridle to a halter and puts it by her other things. Geralt sneaks a look over his shoulder, Jaskier is busy with his lute and notes, not at all looking over at them. Good.  
Geralt digs in his pocket, pulling out a small treat for her. He would yell at Jaskier all the time to stop spoiling her, so he sneaks it to her. He can’t stand that smug look Jaskier would get if Jaskier catches him doing it himself. She munches it right up, taking care not to bite any of his fingers.  
Mares really get a bad reputation, just because the majority of them have a bit of a temper doesn’t mean that the entire mare population should get such an undeserving reputation. Just look at Roach. Sweetness herself! And if she needs treats and scratches to keep her that way, that’s just how it is!  
He wipes his hand on his pant leg discreetly, once again glancing at Jaskier. The bard is leaning over the lute in his lap, scribbling something in his notebook. Geralt decides that his stealthy bribing was a success and kneels down in the grass in front of Roach to check on her legs and hoofs. Today's ride was a bit tricky and he doesn’t want her to start limping because of some small hurt he did not tend to.  
Roach is still chewing and every now and then plopping her lips together. It’s really cute, and since he has his back towards Jaskier he deems it safe to smile.  
He goes through her legs one by one but stops dead when a hot breath blows against the side of his face. Slowly, slowly he angles his head so he can see the offender.  
It’s a nostril.  
Of course.  
One big, _horselike_ nostril.  
Roach has put her muzzle right next to his face. Experience tells him this is when she would snort. She doesn’t however.  
She is still chewing on the remains of her treat, and then she puts her lips at his temple. He sits still, the hairs on her chin tickling his face. Geralt loves it when she does this, he sees it as a sign of affection.  
Then comes the surprise.  
Horse tongues are rather soft. They are also, however, kind of slimy. Geralt knows this because Roach decides to lick the entire side of his face.  
When she retreats a bit Geralt glares at her. The betrayal. His newly washed hair is full of horse treat and saliva.  
“Thanks.” Geralt mutters, and then leans forward and licks her right back. He grabs her halter with a finger and gives her a lick right on the nuzzle.  
Roach flinches back, royally offended, and Geralt grins at her.  
Somewhere behind him he realizes the scratching from Jaskiers pen is silent. He looks over his shoulder to find Jaskier staring at him with disbelief.  
“What was that?” Jaskier asks, confusion evident.  
“What was what?” Because really, Jaskier never saw someone lick a horse before?  
“Why did you lick Roach?” Oh, apparently Jaskier _doesn't_ know much about the dealings of horses.

“You wouldn’t understand.” Geralt mutters and turns back to Roach, who eyes him wearily. He smirks to himself, he might just have started a war with her.  
As long as she doesn’t bite his ear off, it’s fine.

From behind him he can hear Jaskier making all kinds of indignant noises.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The conversation that led up to this.  
> Hope you liked it!
> 
> Fink: Roach licks him and he licks her back  
> Jaskier: what  
> Geralt:You wouldnt understand  
> ghostyghost Amera: Fellas is it gay t o lick your horse  
> Smah: Nah. only it the tongues touch


	5. Thumbs

Cooking.

It is not an unusual thing for Geralt to do.

What is unusual about it however is the setting. What is normal for Geralt is the open sky above him while he does it. The scent of smoke and whatever he got his hands on to cook, mixing with the forest smells around him.

No, this time he had access to an actual kitchen. Which is nice, but odd. The best thing about being in a kitchen is that you don’t have to kneel when you do anything. Bend slightly, yes, but not rest your knees in whatever muddy area you decided to sleep in for the night.

This evening he also has Jaskier as a helper, which he normally refused.

And Jaskier bending forwards over the pot in the fireplace is… well.. Not an unpleasant sight.

Geralt is cooking Ciri's favourite dishes. It’s her birthday and they are borrowing Triss' kitchen to make her dinner. It’s nothing overcomplicated. A creamy soup as a starter, that’s what Jaskier is doing, and Geralt just took out a big steak out of the oven. It will be cut in thin slices and put on a plate with the seasonal vegetables and fruits, courtesy of Triss with access to such goods on short notice.

She is truly an angel.

Geralt starts the cutting of the meat, taking his time to make it as even as he possibly can.

It looks delicious, so he steals a tiny corner of it and puts it in his mouth.   
Heavenly.

Sneaking a peak at Jaskier, who is busy cutting herbs to add in the soup, he steals a little bit of sauce on a plate. Dipping the stolen slice and quickly putting it in his mouth.

He tries to chew silently, but Jaskier catches him mid deed.

“Uhm.” Geralt says, mouth full. “Had to taste it. You know, so that it’s good.”

Jaskier smirks and roll his eyes.

“Absolutely. Oh, and you have sauce in the corner of your mouth.” Jaskier gestures to his own mouth vaguely. “On your left.”

Geralt sticks his tongue out, trying to catch the evil little traitor.

Jaskier is getting a little rosy, smiling and looking at his struggles.

“Uh. No. A little bit.. Wait just, let me.”

Jaskier walks into his space, looking at Geralt's mouth, raising his hand towards his lips.

If Geralt's heart is pounding just a little, it is because the meat was delicious, no other reason.

Not Jaskiers callused fingertips pressing at his lip, wiping away that little bit of sauce.

“There.” Jaskier says quietly, looking up at him.

And now there is sauce on Jaskiers finger instead.

Delicious sauce. We can’t have that, can we? S

o Geralt catches Jaskiers hand, and licks his thumb clean with a big stroke.

“Thank you.” Geralt says when the thumb is all clean, and Jaskier makes a little squeaky sound. “Are you alright? You are awfully red.”

“Im- Im just warm!” Jaskiers voice is high and a little pinched, his thumb still in the air.

Then he hurries back to his chopping, killing the herbs with renewed fervor. The sauce is delicious, but he should be a little careful with the spices.

His lips are tingling something awful.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It would seem Geralt is starting to figure things out, huh?


End file.
